The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
