Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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