We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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