I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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