I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We're too hungover to prance.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This toilet bowl is my home.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
