I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
