this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
