I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
