hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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