Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
