She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
