Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
