I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
