You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
