Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
