If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
