Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
