Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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