It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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