I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
