everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
