I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
