literally had 100 drinks last night.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
