They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
