Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Randomize
