Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
