You made me cry and you don't even care
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
