you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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