You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
