I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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