your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
