"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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