We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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