all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
