Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
