omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
