believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
