Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
