He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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