Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
