I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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