thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
farters have to be the big spoon...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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