mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
