i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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