My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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