Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
