the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
