i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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