Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
