Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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