is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
