there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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