I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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