Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
