Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
