I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
