meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
