just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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