I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
