So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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