Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's shark week go big or go home
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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